:: Lost Comme une Singe ::

:: Monday, June 30 ::

Heh...been fooling around with some stuff, keeping myself occupied and such...
Google fight^^
And the reasults for "Sleep" vs "Caffine" are:
Sleep with 12,900,000 results and
Caffine with 21,100 results.
So sleep wins. Eheh.
:: Mars 5:50 PM [+] ::
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I didn't go crazy during the night...but I had to get off the computer a lot earlier than usual and go to my room 'cause I couldn't help but thinking, in my backbrain, about the fact that no one else was here...
:: Mars 2:45 PM [+] ::
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Hmmm...I was gonna go change the template on this...but they've really cut down on the available options. I hope that it's just temporary...Most of the stuff they're offering now is all white *Shudder*...
:: Mars 2:42 PM [+] ::
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Bleh. The cooker at work has no love. My right arm now looks as though I am a suicidal person who either has bad aim or does not grasp basic anatomy.
Though they're not half as bad as Leslies.
But they hurt like hell when they get near anything hot.
Which makes work very painful.
:: Mars 2:00 AM [+] ::
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Hn. I'm making a web site. Real one. Tis harder than I thought, yet at the same time, easier. I dunno. xX
Either way, aller:
http://quothament.tripod.com
:: Mars 12:29 AM [+] ::
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Well...this new version deally is odd...I think I liked the old one better...but anyway...

Rhythm and Booms is tomorrow. ^^
I urge everybody who doesn't have set plans to sneak into the baseball game (After the 7th/8th inning, no one cares.) 'Cause they let people sit on the outfield to watch the fireworks. It's fun. Not crowded at all, you can see really good, and...The grass is nifty^^
Just don't drive 'cause you won't be able to leave till 11:30 then.
Also...

My dad and brother are going to Iowa. I'm staying here 'cause I promised Gail
we'd go to see the new Broomstreet play Sunday, which is the day of my father/brother's leaving. So I get to be home alone for two days. Scariness. Twill be fun though. I think...

:: Mars 12:28 AM [+] ::
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RRRRRRRRRR...
I'm going to kill people at my work.
Okay, just one person.
But she deserves it.
She almost made a lady cry today. She took her order and then turned around and said "Why is that fat bitch back here again?" She was maybe five feet from the woman.
I will shoot this girl. She's always saying things like that, bad talking about costumers. Not even bothering to whisper. It's not like people have ears or something. Idiot.
She's lazy too. She'll take people's orders and then make other people grab their food for her because she "doesn't feel like puting on gloves." I mean, it's not as though people go to their job to work, is it?
And she's also one of those annoying black people who will accuse you of being racist everytime you tell them anything negative.
Today she said "I basically hate everyone who isn't like me." She was joking, but it's pretty much the truth.

They did that thing today, her and her friends. Where one person calls something gay and then there's this sort of talk that isn't pointedly bashing but is close enough to sting if you're the part of the party in question. (Like questions in middle school, where you know their making fun of you but you can't do anything about 'cause outside of direct context it isn't mean) And I wanted to get up and yell at them or storm off or something, blow up at them for being so...idiotic. If I'd of said nigger or something like that, they would have known exactly what to yell at me and everyone would be behind them because it is obviously something that is wrong. But...calling something gay, half-disaproving of the whole thing, it's something everyone does. And it's just a word. Why should I spazz out? It's something every one does. Dammit. It's like being back in the 1950's.

I wish now that I'd gotten up and cursed at them and...something...But...It's a losing battle. It's something everyone does. Losing fucking battle that fighting doesn't fucking help. But how does staying quiet help either? I just wish I knew the words.

"Well, what's the usual way?"
"That's just it. There is no usual way because what we're doing isn't usual. Where would you go to...to inspect the models? You ever hear of a book about two gay men in love? A movie?"
~Ethan Mordden How Long Has This Been Going On?(Mars' current book)

Of course, then there's the part of me that thinks that I wouldn't be so sensitive to all of this if it weren't for the book that I'm reading now.
And then the part that thinks that this is all silly and I'm being a drama queen or something. The part that would be mad if I had yelled and is happy that I didn't. Discression is the better part of valor.
Which I keep on interpretting as shut up so you don't mess up.
But it hurts something to hear that.
It really does.
:: Mars 8:41 PM [+] ::
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Grr...I found a site for banned books...it has link to the arguement for banning the books and...Some people just make me so mad, you know? It's just...Stupid stupid stupid stupid people. Dammit.
:: Mars 3:50 AM [+] ::
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Bwah-hahahaha! I have met of the Larkin...Is very dragony, that she is^^

:: Mars 2:20 AM [+] ::
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http://mars-like.deviantart.com
Phear my power...
:: Mars 3:41 AM [+] ::
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So, biking home at 11 pm from work. I smelt of sweat (From working and the grill), smoke (The grill), and alcohol (From picking up the park). Basically, like a bar, but I find the smell kinda comforting for some odd reason. Heh. No cop that pulled me over (Though why would they pull me over, I'm on a bike) would have believed that I was sober. It's a good thing that I'm not like some kids I know...I found at least two cups briming full with beer. And two open sodas and all this shit that makes me realize how wasteful humans are.
Tonight was beautiful. Friday the 13th with a full red moon. Beautiful indeed. There was a band playing after the game, West Side Andy, and it was really good, old rock and blues and stuff with harmonicas. So much fun. I stayed as long as I could to listen. When I finally left, I could still hear the music maybe a half mile out of the park. I was more than half way home, any way. And then I couldn't hear it any more and the crickets and peepers were really loud. There was no noticable transition. It was perfect.
And so I was walking up hills with my mother's anchient bike from the 60's that doesn't like gravity at all, replanning the world. It was a perfect night.
But when I got home. Well. Things started bad. Technology, for all it's good, can be poisonous. Dammit, ne?
:: Mars 1:37 AM [+] ::
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Oi Ti...I kinda have work...but I can prolly get off. I'll have to get a thingy in soon though. Yeah.
:: Mars 1:29 AM [+] ::
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Oh...
You have been reading these, right?
'Cause how else would you know what's really going on(In Iraq)...
...Other than the BBC, of course...
Salam Pax...Where is Raed?...http://dear_raed.blogspot.com
G....http://geeinbaghdad.blogspot.com...
Les vrais, non?
:: Mars 1:06 AM [+] ::
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Heh. Just got home from work.
There was this little gaggle of girls admiring my hair as I served them hot dogs and lemonade. One said that she had always wanted to dye her hair that color.
Later they came back for more and they all had these bright hair thingies (Fake hair braid in jiggers...you know what I'm talking about.) and the one girl had a purple one. She was all, And now we match^_^.
They said that some kids had laughed at them, but they'd just stuck out their tongues. I gave them free cracker jacks^^...
Work is making me feel better.
I guess I just needed to be around people.
That whole exploding rats thing, savez vous?
:: Mars 11:48 PM [+] ::
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It just never seemed real to me before, you know?
I mean even with all the people and all the talk about past longing and present longing and even my own feelings...Everyone was still there the next morning.
But two years is a fucking long time.
Too long, coupled with that last note.
Too fucking long.
It just never seemed real before.
But now...
It's like finding a body in the middle of the stage. A body with slit wrists. And a knife.
And in theater on the stage in a place where I've never felt anything but at home in.
It's scary.
It's shattering.
I lost the peace that I had found.
I'm tired in a way that doesn't make sense.
I hurt; my scars aren't aching but my arm burns.
:: Mars 2:41 AM [+] ::
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What am I talking about. Ryann's right next door.
I'm having self-esteem issues again.
:: Mars 2:35 AM [+] ::
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I guess I just got too used to having people around. I feel...ick. Like a head ache that won't go away. I want to read a new book the way other people want a cigarette or cocaine. I want to contact something that isn't a computer or a telephone.
Damn being a pack animal.
Damn school for making me social.
Damn everyone for living so far away.
Damn all these people who've been so suicidal lately.
Didn't know it was contageous, did I?
:: Mars 2:33 AM [+] ::
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Finals ont fini!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Dances* And....today was a good day. I woke up thinking that...Nifty, non?
:: Mars 8:52 PM [+] ::
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So I lied...heh..
Yesterday in Chem class we had to take a survey thingy...
It was filled out on a scantron.
We needed to state our sex.
"This test says my gender is false!"~Beau
:: Mars 2:53 AM [+] ::
...